Ask Peaches: Why am I so feral for (fictional) morally grey men?

New here, darling? This post is part of a series called ‘Ask Peaches’ where I answer the delicious, burning questions you have about smut, sex and anything spicy inbetween. Read this for more context or send your own juicy musings straight to me at peaches@ladieswholit.co.uk Always anonymous, always answered in good faith and good fun. Take what you love and leave anything you don’t.

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Dear Peaches,

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I’m fresh off the back of reading Bad Bishop by L.J. Shen. Tiernan is definitely not my first rodeo with a morally grey MMC and he’s in good company in my TBR pile. But something about this readthrough made me think: why am I so down-bad for these obsessive, possessive, bullying and violent men in books when I would NEVER touch them with a ten-foot pole in real life?

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Is this a ‘call your therapist ASAP’ issue or is there a very real reason for this?

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Take anything you want into therapy, darling - it’s your space for whatever you need.

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With that said, as something of a connoisseur of wicked and wayward fictional men myself, I think I’ve got some other perspectives to offer. Pull up a pew.

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If you’ve already read my post on favourite tropes vs. real life desire you’ll know that novelty is something that delivers a delicious little dopamine dose for most of our brains. So, explicit open-door descriptions that contrast with our typical sexual experiences already have the potential to fire us up.

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Then, there’s the men. They hand out hand necklaces like a jeweller, have a mouth filthier than a subway seat and a white-hot temper that can be fatal for anyone who glances the FMC’s way. Would I pass within ten feet of them IRL? There’s no way. The red flags indicate actual danger.

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But between the covers? Devour and destroy me, shadow daddy. That’s because my brain knows the FMC faces no real threat, and neither do I. And that, darling, is what’s known as ‘benign masochism’ in psychology.

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It’s not exclusive to smut either. Think about other experiences you find a little painful, unpleasant or scary but keep you coming back for more: spicy food, horror movies, rollercoasters, even deep tissue massage. Then there’s BDSM–masochism is literally in the name. Pain and pleasure in ecstatic harmony.

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Essentially, experiences that trigger initially negative responses within our bodies or brains can feel good when we realise that we’re safe. 

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So, fear not sweet thing: next time your pulse starts racing and your thighs start twitching for a fictional man with more red flags than a golf course, know it’s a delicious system glitch and you’re in good company.

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Your sister in smut,

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Peaches

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