Ask Peaches: Where do I start if I want spice in my real life?

New here, darling? This post is part of a series called ‘Ask Peaches’ where I answer the delicious, burning questions you have about smut, sex and anything spicy inbetween. Read this for more context or send your own juicy musings straight to me at peaches@ladieswholit.co.uk Always anonymous, always answered in good faith and good fun. Take what you love and leave anything you don’t.

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Dear Peaches,

So I’ve been a smut girlie for a while now. And somewhere between my last two dark romances, I started noticing something had changed. Like the curiosity I had before is bigger, and reading it on the page is now feeling more like an invitation to something I might actually want to try? The tension, the communication, the shamelessness of it all. I want it.

The problem is, I wouldn’t even know where to begin finding those vibes in real life. Is there like a new starter pack or intro sessions for kink newbies? Please help! I feel like I’ll always regret it if I don’t at least try, but I don’t have any friends into it (that I know of, at least) and I don’t have a partner I can try it with.

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You’re in exactly the right place, darling. I’m always ready to talk piping hot, unhinged fantasies that spill out from the pages. I’ve also got a little more than a little firsthand experience seeking them out in my real life. So, get your notes app open and strap in for some feral fairy godmother guidance.

First things first - sit with your fantasies. Get to know them. Write them down. Imagine yourself right in the middle of them. Then, reflect on what it brings up - how do you feel as your imaginary self gets into it? What is it specifically that feels fucking amazing when you think about it? 

Is it being submissive (or dominant)? 

Is it being witnessed in your pleasure by more than one other?

Is it treading the line between pain and euphoria?

The goal isn’t to have it all figured out perfectly - no such thing, darling. But it’s helpful going in if you know what you might want to try before you slip into spicy situations. This also goes for what you don’t think you want to try, or boundaries you’ve already set in sex. Love a hand necklace for your FMCs but not yourself? Fabulous. 

Now you can invite a few more delicious influences in. If you’re completely new to kink outside of your TBR, here are some places and profiles to explore:

• Evie Lupine: Kink and sex education YouTuber
• Kynk 101: Responsible resources for newcomers
• Lovey Subby Blog: Includes short, helpful guides for subs and doms
• Playing Well With Others: The beginner’s bible for navigating kink

Something you’ll always come across in good kink resources is the topic of consent, darling. Smut is fiction. Fantasy that has you fidgeting and fired up. But safety and respect are absolutely essential when it comes to kink IRL. It means more fun for everyone.

So, you’ve got some delicious new vocabulary and ideas about what you want to try. Where to go from here? There’s a few places you can start:

• Fetlife: The world’s largest BDSM, kink and fetish community for exploring kinks, connecting with others and finding local kink events.
• Killing Kittens: Female-founded and focused on female safety and pleasure, KK hosts online community and parties that can be a fabulous intro to group sex and consensual exhibitionism and voyeurism.
• Feeld: A dating and community app for the curious and open-minded that also hosts IRL socials.

Whatever step you take next, darling, stay safe, and make sure you have someone you trust to share with when you start your journey (as well as me - you’d better believe I want that tea...)