Quiz: Find the perfect sex toy pairing for your next smut session

This is your official sign to close the laptop, light a candle, and invest in your pleasure with the same energy you invest in your TBR. Because your next smut session deserves the right accompaniment, and I don't mean a lukewarm cup of tea. Answer honestly, find your trope, and add to basket. Your body, your pleasure, your perfect pairing. Let's go.

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1. It's Friday night and you've got the house to yourself. You're reaching for...

A. The book you've been rationing because the tension is almost unbearable and you need to know what happens when they finally snap.

B. Your group chat, because you cannot possibly experience this alone and the girlies need to be involved immediately.

C. The one where he'd dismantle entire civilisations before he'd let anything touch her–you need that energy tonight.

D. Something warm and slow and cosy; a grumpy MMC softening for exactly one person, and that person is her.

E. The re-read. The one that felt like recognition the first time and still does. You return to it like it knows you.

F. Something dark. Something that lives in shadows and subtext. You're not entirely sure what's lurking on the next page and that's precisely the point.

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2. The moment just before everything escalates, the atmosphere is...

A. Charged. Every unresolved argument, every pointed comment, every loaded silence arriving at the same address simultaneously.

B. Abundant. She's surrounded, attended to, and the attention coming from multiple directions is dizzying in the best possible way.

C. Electric. Someone moved wrong and the MMC has gone very, very still in a way that bodes extremely well for her and extremely badly for everyone else.

D. Tentative. Like he's handling something precious he didn't expect to find himself holding and isn't entirely sure he deserves.

E. Cosmic. The kind of stillness that happens when the universe decides it's done being patient.

F. Brooding. He's been in the room longer than she realised.

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3. The thing you need most from an MMC is...

A. Friction. Resistance. Someone who pushes back hard enough that the eventual give is ecstasy.

B. Devotion multiplied. The kind of attention that comes from several directions at once and never wavers.

C. The knowledge that he would, without hesitation, make someone deeply regret touching what's his.

D. Warmth underneath the walls. The slow, reluctant thaw of a man who didn't plan on feeling this much.

E. Recognition. The sense that he knew her before he knew her, and the rest is just confirmation.

F. Mystery. Power. The particular thrill of a man who operates in the dark and has decided, for reasons unclear, that she's worth stepping into the light for.

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4. Your fantasy setting is...

A. Anywhere with enough confined space and unresolved tension to make ignoring each other physically impossible.

B. A sprawling estate, a court, a compound–somewhere large enough for several devoted men to orbit one woman with a little room to spare.

C. Somewhere public enough that his reaction to anyone looking at her wrong is both witnessed and noted.

D. A small town. A cabin. Somewhere slow and quiet where there's nothing to do but be in proximity and eventually, inevitably, combust.

E. Somewhere ancient. A world with magic in its bones where the bond between them is written into the fabric of things.

F. Somewhere with good shadows. High ceilings. The kind of architecture that suits a man who moves through it like he owns every dark corner.

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5. The spicy scene you're re-reading for the fourth time involves...

A. Every argument they've ever had arriving simultaneously at a single, inevitable conclusion.

B. A scene so lavishly attentive it required at least two sets of hands and she was not complaining.

C. Him noticing someone look at her. What happens next. All of it.

D. The moment his carefully maintained distance finally, completely collapses, and the tenderness underneath is almost more devastating than the heat.

E. First touch that feels like coming home to somewhere neither of them has been before.

F. Him appearing somewhere she didn't expect, saying very little, and somehow that being the most charged moment in the entire book.

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6. Your reading position of choice for a truly spicy chapter is...

A. Sitting up, fully alert. You need to be ready for the moment the tension snaps and you will not be caught off guard.

B. Sprawled luxuriously. This is an indulgent experience and you are treating it as such.

C. Curled up protectively around your Kindle or Kobo. You are emotionally invested in her safety and you take this personally.

D. Horizontal, warm, completely cosy. This is the reading equivalent of a weighted blanket and you are in it.

E. Wherever you were when the pull of the re-read became irresistible, which could be absolutely anywhere.

F. Lights low. Alone. The atmosphere is part of the experience and you are committed to the full effect.

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7. Your ideal smut pacing is…

A. Fast, furious, and completely inevitable. The tension had a deadline and it arrived.

B. Slow, lavish, and unhurried. There's no rush when devotion is coming from multiple directions.

C. Interrupted, because someone made the catastrophic error of getting between them and now the tension has an entirely different edge.

D. Glacially, deliciously slow–every small moment of warmth earned over hundreds of pages of careful distance.

E. Ancient, like time itself has been building to this particular moment between these particular people.

F. Controlled–deliberate, precise, and slightly unnerving in the way that only a man who operates entirely in shadow can be.

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8. The thing that makes you close the book and stare at the ceiling is...

A. The moment they stop fighting it–simultaneously, furiously, completely.

B. The part where she realises they're all looking at her hungrily and none of them are even slightly embarrassed about it.

C. Him stepping in front of her before the threat has even fully materialised, because he already knew.

D. The first time he smiles, really smiles, and it's only for her and it absolutely wrecks you.

E. The bond snapping into place. The recognition. The oh, it's you, it's always been you.

F. The reveal. The moment you understand his darkness and deceit this whole time and realise it was all for her.

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9. Your hot take on the trope discourse is...

A. Enemies to lovers is not toxic: it's tension with excellent narrative payoff and people need to relax.

B. Why choose is simply the most logical solution to an abundance of excellent options and the genre has been sleeping on it.

C. Possessive MMCs get an unfair reputation. He's not controlling. He's devoted. There's a difference.

D. Grumpy/sunshine is the most emotionally satisfying trope in the genre and the softening scene is always worth the wait

E. Fated mates is not lazy writing. It's the universe doing its job correctly for once.

F. The shadow daddy doesn't get nearly enough credit and this is a hill we will be dying on, loudly, in public.

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10. Your smut session self-care spread looks like...

A. Something with an edge: a dark candle, a playlist that matches the tension, no interruptions and absolutely no apologies.

B. Abundance. Multiple options. The full experience, generously and unapologetically arranged.

C. Everything exactly as you like it, because this is your time and your pleasure and anyone who has opinions about that can see themselves out.

D. Warm, slow, intentional. A ritual rather than a rush, because the best things build.

E. Something that feels fated. The re-read, the familiar candle, the playlist that's been yours since the first time you felt this. Some things just fit.

F. Low light. Good atmosphere. The kind of evening that belongs entirely to you and whatever deliciously dark corner of your imagination you've decided to visit tonight.

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Your Results - what’s your perfect smut session sex toy pairing?

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Mostly As: Enemies to Lovers

You are here for the friction, darling, and you have excellent taste. The tension, the sparring, the moment when all that carefully maintained hostility runs out of road and has absolutely nowhere left to go–this is your c-literary love language and your body knows it. You don't want easy. You want the kind of heat that's been building since page one and pays off like a pressure valve finally, gloriously releasing.

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Your perfect sex toy pairing: Lovehoney Power Play Rechargeable Wand Vibrator

Use discount code LADIESWHOLIT at Lovehoney checkout for 20% off.

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To add to your TBR: Twisted Pawn by L. J. Shen 

Buy from Bookshop.org - US // UK

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Mostly Bs: Why Choose / Reverse Harem

Abundance mindset, darling, and we respect it completely. You have never once understood why the heroine should have to choose when the answer is so obviously, so logically, so deliciously all of them. Multiple devoted MMCs, undivided attention from several directions at once, and a heroine who is exactly as cherished as she deserves to be. This is your energy and your ideal smut session reflects it entirely.

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Your perfect sex toy pairing: Lovehoney Double Lover Double Penetration Vibrator

Use discount code LADIESWHOLIT at Lovehoney checkout for 20% off.

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To add to your TBR: Bitter Burn by Sierra Simone

Buy from Bookshop.org - US // UK

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Mostly Cs: Your trope is Touch Her and Die

The possessive protector who would, without hesitation, make the entire room regret their choices the moment anyone looked at her wrong. This is your Roman empire, darling, and you're not apologising for it. There's something about the absolute, unconditional devotion of a man who has decided she is his to protect that hits somewhere very specific. Your smut session should match that energy entirely.

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Your perfect sex toy pairing: Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Thrusting Rabbit Vibrator

Use discount code LADIESWHOLIT at Lovehoney checkout for 20% off.

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To add to your TBR: Nocticadia by Keri Lake

Buy from Bookshop.org - US // UK

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Mostly Ds: Your trope is Grumpy x Sunshine

The slow thaw. The reluctant smile. The moment his entire carefully constructed walls come down for exactly one person and the tenderness underneath is almost more overwhelming than the heat. You are patient, darling, because you know the payoff is worth every page of build-up, and you bring that same energy to your self-care. Warm, intentional, and deeply, satisfyingly worth the wait.

Your perfect sex toy pairing: Womanizer X Lovehoney InsideOut Rechargeable G-Spot and Clitoral Stimulator

Use discount code LADIESWHOLIT at Lovehoney checkout for 20% off.

To add to your TBR: Scythe and Sparrow by Brynne Weaver

Buy from Bookshop.org - US // UK

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Mostly Es: Your trope is Fated Mates

You believe in the soul-deep pull. The recognition. The sense that the universe has been quietly arranging things for a very long time and this is the result. Fated mates isn't a shortcut, darling, it's a love story written into the bones of the world, and your body responds to that inevitability in ways that are entirely your own business. Your smut session is a ritual. It always has been.

Your perfect sex toy pairing: Mythical Fantasy Girthy Remote Control Vibrating Dildo 6.25 Inch

Use discount code LADIESWHOLIT at Lovehoney checkout for 20% off.

To add to your TBR: The Wings That Bind by Briar Boleyn

Buy from Bookshop.org - US // UK

Mostly Fs: Your trope is Shadow Daddy

Dark, mysterious, operating in corners of the story most characters don't even know exist–and doing all of it, it turns out, for her. The shadow daddy is criminally underrated in the discourse and you have always known this. The power, the quiet menace, the moment the shadows part and you understand exactly what he's been doing this whole time. You deeply resonate with this trope and your self-care should honour that completely.

Your perfect sex toy pairing: Desire Luxury Rechargeable Realistic Dildo Vibrator 6.5 Inch

Use discount code LADIESWHOLIT at Lovehoney checkout for 20% off.

To add to your TBR: From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Buy from Bookshop.org - US // UK