Ask Peaches: I want to experiment more with sex toys, but where do you start?

New here, darling? This post is part of a series called ‘Ask Peaches’ where I answer the delicious, burning questions you have about smut, sex and anything spicy inbetween. Read this for more context or send your own juicy musings straight to me at peaches@ladieswholit.co.uk Always anonymous, always answered in good faith and good fun. Take what you love and leave anything you don’t.

Dear Peaches,

I feel like I’m standing on the outside of some incredible, Salacious-Players-style sex club, and it’s not because I’ve lost my invite. Whenever I scroll through TikTok, I see smut girlies showing off their latest toy (or even walking through their haul) and glance over at my bedside drawer, where I know there’s an old bullet vibrator that’s designed to look like a lipstick (for discretion) and is very much on its last legs.

I’m really curious about expanding my toy-drobe, but I have no idea where to begin. To vibe or not to vibe? Does size matter? Where do you even put something that shape? Please help a girl out so I can join the club and dial up my smut-as-self-care sessions.

Before I dive into this absolutely delicious question darling, let’s put some respect on the name of those hard-working bullet vibrators – often our first foray into toy-assisted self-pleasure, and deserving of a salute instead of a side-eye. With that said, I love this experience-expanding energy for you and I have the tea that you need (plus a delicious discount code for Lovehoney - use LADIESWHOLIT at checkout for 20% off your basket).

Here's the thing nobody tells you when you're toy shopping for the first time in years (or ever): there’s no universal ‘better’ toy. Bigger isn't always better. More speeds and modes isn't always better. The only ‘better’ is the toy(s) that gets you off faster, or harder or however you want your orgasms. So let’s start with you.

Start with what you know you love 

Think about your favourite scenes on the page and your favourite spicy experiences IRL. Are you a slow, tension-building simmer or a get-there-now kind of girlie? Do you like soft, long strokes or harder, faster pressure? Sit with it. Reflect on it. This usually tells you more than any bestsellers badge.

If you crave build-up, you might want to start by looking at wand vibrators with varying speed settings – they're brilliant for broad, rumbly sensation you can ease into and control. If you're all about precision and speed, a clitoral suction toy might be your rocketship to the moan. Whatever gets you kicking your feet and staring at the ceiling, bring it to your shopping spree.

Vibration, suction, thrust, dual stimulation (or none of the above)

Now that you’ve got a sense of what it is you love, let’s talk about some of the different categories or keywords you’ll see when you’re scrolling. These typically refer to either movement, sensation or both.

Vibration is a classic and a favourite for a reason. Different patterns, varying intensities and can work both externally and internally depending on the toy.

Suction/air-pulse toys usually aim to mimic that rhythmic, fluttering, feral sensation from a tongue, focused on your clit. Genuinely worth trying once if you never have before.

Dual stimulation toys (think ‘rabbit-style’) hit you inside and outside all at once; if you love every part getting the attention it deserves at once, this might be for you.

Static toys (like dildos and grinders) need you to do more of the work, but with strategic placement and that smut girlie imagination, it can feel like you’re right there with that MC (or whoever lives rent-free in your head…)

Remember, darling: you don’t need to pick a lane forever. Think of it like a box of chocolates - pick whichever flavour you like the sound of today, savour it, then try another (or go back for more of your favourite).

Size is a preference, not a flex

Not all toys can or need to be inside you to reach those pleasure highs, but if it’s thrust you lust for, this PSA is for you.

Bigger doesn't always mean more pleasure, it just means bigger. Most of us actually do better starting smaller and working up, so you learn what your body loves before you invest in anything that requires its own postcode. Use ‘5 inch’ or ‘6 inch’ in your search to find vibrators or dildos on the smaller side.*

*Anything smaller, or using it round the back? Always use something with a flared base, or keep it on the outside, darling - take it from someone who has heard all the medical intervention stories.

Still have questions?

I’ve only scratched the surface of this eye-opening, toe-scrunching, sheet-grabbing journey for you, darling. 

So, if you want to find out more about different types of toys, how to use them, different materials and anything else you might need (like lubes or toy cleansers), Lovehoney has a treasure trove of sex toy guides you can dive into.

Your homework

Pick one toy. Just one. Something that matches the kind of scenes that already make your thighs clench mid-chapter. Let it earn its place in the drawer before you start building your reverse harem (and remember your 20% off at Lovehoney with LWcL exclusive code LADIESWHOLIT).

You've always been welcome in this club, darling. You're just arriving fashionably late, on your own terms, with excellent taste.